Friday, August 22, 2014

The Puzzle

    OK so we have had a lot going on this year and I would love to say that it was all great stuff but in reality it has been the worst year of our lives. I just want to stop and take inventory of the things that changed for William and me this year. The picture of our lives was shattered last year. It is more of a puzzle now. I think when the pieces are put back together so many things will have changed and the picture will not be the same. We lost my mother, my aunt and William's grandfather. William's mother moved out. This also meant that her three kids that I had known for half of their lives moved out too. We had many court dates and really bad days along the way.  It has been a tough year. There is so much more to tell of this story but this is not the place for things like that.

    So William has two houses to visit now. He doesn't see his brothers, sisters or grandma much any more. I have three missing pieces of the puzzle and empty bedrooms and three empty spots in my heart where the kids used to be. William claimed his brother's room as his new play area and the rooms that his sisters lived in are now empty. Where we had a couch and love seat downstairs for the kids to play and watch TV is now just a mat and a TV where William and I play Xbox together. He keeps telling me that we need to get a new couch for down stairs and in time I am sure that will happen. That is just another one of the pieces of the puzzle. Upstairs in the living room the couch we had there belonged to his mother so when it left I did get a new couch. We put that piece of the puzzle back, it fit but it is different. I wanted to make sure that we didn't have any holes in the main living area to remind us of all of the pain. I want him to be able to see the big picture even if a few pieces are missing.

    I have always heard anything that doesn't kill you will make you stronger. I think that the strength you have has always been there the whole time it just comes to the surface when you need it. Things have started to get better for me. I have met a really beautiful person and she makes me feel important for the first time in my life. William still has bad days. I try to hug him and let him know he is safe as much as I can. I make time for him and nothing else at least once a day playing video games, going to the park or sitting and coloring. We read a story each night before bed and I always hug him and tell him that his mom and I both love him very much. Life will slow down soon. We will be starting school soon and the rest of the things that need to fall into place will very quickly after that. The puzzle is coming back together. It is a different picture than it was from a year ago. I am sure there are some missing pieces. That is hard to avoid when when something is disrupted so violently and some pieces may never be recovered. We will see what picture develops and hope that it is a picture that is warm and sunny and brings a smile to the people that see it and especially to the ones that live it.

One puzzle I did not want to put together,

His Loving Dad

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