You are six so you will not understand what I am about to tell you until you are much older. I know you think I am strong and that I could fix anything. I know that you love spending time with me and you think that your mother leaving us didn't hurt me. I hope that you always think that but you need to know that it hurt me more than you could possible understand. I still have days where I think about what happened. I think about her getting married just five months after leaving. I think about her not taking the time to get to know me and how she made everything my fault. I think about all of the things I have learned about myself since she left and the wonderful things that have happened too.
There were so many times that you were sitting next to me on the couch when I was falling apart inside and having my arm around you was the only thing that brought me peace and kept me together. It was in that moment that I could sleep where I hadn't in weeks. There where many times when you said things that I could not explain to you and it made me just want to go to my room and lock the door and cry. I want to tell you I am sorry for the pain and the confusion that was caused by all of this. I wish I could tell you I'm sorry that you will miss out on a lot of things. I want to tell you that I'm sorry that you do not get to wake up with your mother being part of the family everyday anymore but how could I ever make you understand? I want to make sure that you understand that I loved your mother so much and I hurt inside that she never took the time to see that. I know that I hurt her too but I never meant to.
I will keep a smile on my face for you until it doesn't hurt anymore. I will pretend that everyday is a happy day and smile for you until you believe it. I will carry on with the same routine everyday just like nothing ever happened for you. I will play games and watch you grow everyday and hope that you never know how much I was hurting through all of this. I will love you even more to make up for the things that you are missing. I hope that you forgive me and your mother in time. I hope that you can find peace in your life and know that we both love you very much. I do wish things had turned out differently but time cannot be erased. So here we are today and I am smiling for you.
I have let someone new in my heart. It scares me to let go and trust that she will not hurt me. I know you like her and I am happy for that. I know that you look forward to her coming over and again I am glad that you can. I know that you told her that you love her. I am not sure if you understand what that means but I hope that you do. I do love you and I want you to remember that too. I'm not sure where our lives go from here but I will be there for you until the end.
You make me happy and I hope that is enough,
Your Loving Father
There were so many times that you were sitting next to me on the couch when I was falling apart inside and having my arm around you was the only thing that brought me peace and kept me together. It was in that moment that I could sleep where I hadn't in weeks. There where many times when you said things that I could not explain to you and it made me just want to go to my room and lock the door and cry. I want to tell you I am sorry for the pain and the confusion that was caused by all of this. I wish I could tell you I'm sorry that you will miss out on a lot of things. I want to tell you that I'm sorry that you do not get to wake up with your mother being part of the family everyday anymore but how could I ever make you understand? I want to make sure that you understand that I loved your mother so much and I hurt inside that she never took the time to see that. I know that I hurt her too but I never meant to.
I will keep a smile on my face for you until it doesn't hurt anymore. I will pretend that everyday is a happy day and smile for you until you believe it. I will carry on with the same routine everyday just like nothing ever happened for you. I will play games and watch you grow everyday and hope that you never know how much I was hurting through all of this. I will love you even more to make up for the things that you are missing. I hope that you forgive me and your mother in time. I hope that you can find peace in your life and know that we both love you very much. I do wish things had turned out differently but time cannot be erased. So here we are today and I am smiling for you.
I have let someone new in my heart. It scares me to let go and trust that she will not hurt me. I know you like her and I am happy for that. I know that you look forward to her coming over and again I am glad that you can. I know that you told her that you love her. I am not sure if you understand what that means but I hope that you do. I do love you and I want you to remember that too. I'm not sure where our lives go from here but I will be there for you until the end.
You make me happy and I hope that is enough,
Your Loving Father
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