Wednesday, October 1, 2014

Moments of Crazy

    I get those moments when I know that I should not care about missing someone that you know is bad for you. The horrible things that I experienced over and over again at their hands and then the way things were left just seems impossible. I want to remember the person that I loved. The person that I gave seven years of my life for. I want to remember that day in the hospital when you were born. I remember that night when you and her were snoring together and it sounded alike. I remember the kids putting the reindeer antlers on your head. What an awesome memory. I want to remember the camping trips and the motorcycle rides. I want to remember holding her hand as we walked along the pier and watching sunsets together. I remember going to the beach and having fun. A day of sailing with the whole family. I remember having her lay on my lap. Those where the times when I got to feel close to her. I remember all of the campfires where we talked to each other. The hobo pies and s'mores. I remember the day we spent in the hospital finding out that you had diabetes. I remember all of the Christmases we had together as a family. I remember building the rooms for the girls in the house so they had their own space. I remember building a doghouse for lucky with your brother. I never saw him that interested in working on something or work so hard. I remember the robotics competitions and your brother getting so excited to go with me when we were building the robots. I remember the first time they let him drive the robot. What an amazing smile that he had that day. I remember going to Rosy Mound park and walking the steps with the family to the beach so many times. I remember picking blueberries and your older sister eating most of them before they could make it into the freezer. I remember that you would take the blueberries from my bucket and tell everyone that your bucket was full. I remember painting the rooms in the house and the crazy colors that the kids picked except your big sister. The blue for her room was very nice. I remember being part of the group that found out her dad had brain tumors. I remember telling him that I would be there to take care of everyone. I remember holding her hand and hoping that things were going to be OK even after I found out. I remember I wanted to believe even after she told me she would not do it again. I remember fixing Thanksgiving Dinner while they where at the hospital so we would have something to eat. I remember looking for the wedding ring we found. You really liked the blue and you told me that mama would love it. I remember it had six blue sapphires one for each one of our family. It was supposed to mean that all of us were coming together as one family. I was hoping that it was a healing moment in our life. I remember having to return it with tears in my eyes. Thank you for helping find it. You are a great helper and people noticed that all of the time. 

    I know right now remembering these things only hurts me but they are things that I think you should know about. I call them moments of crazy. I call them that because I remember and it still feels crazy how everything turned out. I went camping for the first time because of your mother. I found out that I liked it. I remember going to uncle Wally's cabin and being part of the crazy group that got together. I really enjoyed cooking and getting to know your mothers relatives. I loved your mother very much. It always hurt me that she never took the time to see it.I will try to jot down memories of us together every once in a while so that you have them to hold. We both love you never forget that.

I hope you read these moments from your life and smile someday,

Your Loving Dad


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