There are so many days that go by where I wish I could tell you the things that I know and show you the things that I have learned. There are many days when I would gladly let you see the pain that I have been through so you never have to live it yourself. I hope that you will never have to feel some of the pain that I have felt. I know our life experiences and what we do with them is what makes us who we are. I have tried my whole life to take the horrible things that have happened to me and try to use them to make someone else smile. I was not always successful but I still try.
This year I met someone that seems to have been through some of the same pains and tribulations that I have been through. I have learned a lot about me and her at the same time. This year I have also had someone in my life that I loved and trusted show me how little everything I did mattered to them. In both cases I have learned to be a better person. One taught me to love, the other to forgive. Love is a natural part of who I am. It was easy to love even when I was being hurt by the one I loved. It seemed that the more she hurt me the more that I gave and none of it ever mattered. This is where the forgiveness comes in. I had to first learn to forgive myself for feeling bad about unintentionally hurting her. I had to forgive myself for letting her hurt me. Then I had to forgive her for hurting me so many times in the most horrible ways possible. This is one of the pains that I hope you never see. I know that you have a different perspective on this pain and I wish I could take that away.
I guess if I could tell you one thing today it would be...... that even though everyone tells you things will get better, part of that pain will follow you the rest of your life. The pain is like sandpaper. If it rubs off one layer of skin maybe there is no scar. If it digs in and remove a big part of you it will heal but there will be a scar to remind you to be smarter the next time. I guess it is good we don't wear these scars on the outside. I am afraid that I would not be so pretty but maybe more people would understand me.
You choose who you are going to be,
Your Loving Dad
This year I met someone that seems to have been through some of the same pains and tribulations that I have been through. I have learned a lot about me and her at the same time. This year I have also had someone in my life that I loved and trusted show me how little everything I did mattered to them. In both cases I have learned to be a better person. One taught me to love, the other to forgive. Love is a natural part of who I am. It was easy to love even when I was being hurt by the one I loved. It seemed that the more she hurt me the more that I gave and none of it ever mattered. This is where the forgiveness comes in. I had to first learn to forgive myself for feeling bad about unintentionally hurting her. I had to forgive myself for letting her hurt me. Then I had to forgive her for hurting me so many times in the most horrible ways possible. This is one of the pains that I hope you never see. I know that you have a different perspective on this pain and I wish I could take that away.
I guess if I could tell you one thing today it would be...... that even though everyone tells you things will get better, part of that pain will follow you the rest of your life. The pain is like sandpaper. If it rubs off one layer of skin maybe there is no scar. If it digs in and remove a big part of you it will heal but there will be a scar to remind you to be smarter the next time. I guess it is good we don't wear these scars on the outside. I am afraid that I would not be so pretty but maybe more people would understand me.
You choose who you are going to be,
Your Loving Dad
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